Mother went on her greatest journey yesterday. We took her off any support that the hospital had her on and she passed on before 7 a.m. yesterday. I was so glad that Kerm and I had a good week earlier with her, giving her birthday presents. Then last Sunday Kerm and I said our good byes to her. It was the start of my final good bye to her.
I only worked half a day yesterday and spent the rest of the day talking about mom to my niece in law Jessica. Perhaps a lot of people don't understand my grieving process. I grieved for mother but we had such a good and long time together that to many it was a short period. It is hard to explain my relationship with mother. Father died when I was 10. For most of my memories it is mother and I standing against the world. She was my friend, my mentor...my mother.
I do not grieve, even though tears are falling as I type this, because we lived. I learned valuable lessons from her. I have countless stories about her. Everything from hitch hiking to Wisconsin to see something (can't remember what) to being a managing editor for a small local newspaper. She loved to watch Tarzan movies and Westerns (Zane Grey was her favorite author) as well as pulp mysteries. When my fiance' left me I turned to her. She held me when I cried over him but shortly thereafter my tears turned to laughter as she came up with suitable punishments. To her suitable punishments came out of Tarzan native tortures or Indian tortures. Later on she would name him Slimebucket, a name that still sticks today. We went to museums, on vacations, shopping, did crafts and cooking together. How can one grieve knowing that she lived such a huge life. It was full. It had it's ups and downs but it was full and I do not believe she regretted much.
Perhaps that was her last lesson to me. Do not regret those who have passed on before you for it was their turn. I haven't lived as much as she had so I still have things to do. She would not want me to spend days on end grieving. She would kick me in my butt and say so what else are you doing? Is your apartment clean (no) and have you finished those projects yet? Ummm. that would be another "no".
So what can I do. She was our Matriarch and just because she isn't here in person doesn't me she isn't guiding me yet. I guess that means I had better stop this post and start to clean up or something.
Before I go, I'd like to thank everybody who listened to me talk about mom and who offered their condolences. My office gave me this living plant today. Thought I'd better post a picture of it before I kill it off. I don't have a green thumb.
I only worked half a day yesterday and spent the rest of the day talking about mom to my niece in law Jessica. Perhaps a lot of people don't understand my grieving process. I grieved for mother but we had such a good and long time together that to many it was a short period. It is hard to explain my relationship with mother. Father died when I was 10. For most of my memories it is mother and I standing against the world. She was my friend, my mentor...my mother.
I do not grieve, even though tears are falling as I type this, because we lived. I learned valuable lessons from her. I have countless stories about her. Everything from hitch hiking to Wisconsin to see something (can't remember what) to being a managing editor for a small local newspaper. She loved to watch Tarzan movies and Westerns (Zane Grey was her favorite author) as well as pulp mysteries. When my fiance' left me I turned to her. She held me when I cried over him but shortly thereafter my tears turned to laughter as she came up with suitable punishments. To her suitable punishments came out of Tarzan native tortures or Indian tortures. Later on she would name him Slimebucket, a name that still sticks today. We went to museums, on vacations, shopping, did crafts and cooking together. How can one grieve knowing that she lived such a huge life. It was full. It had it's ups and downs but it was full and I do not believe she regretted much.
Perhaps that was her last lesson to me. Do not regret those who have passed on before you for it was their turn. I haven't lived as much as she had so I still have things to do. She would not want me to spend days on end grieving. She would kick me in my butt and say so what else are you doing? Is your apartment clean (no) and have you finished those projects yet? Ummm. that would be another "no".
So what can I do. She was our Matriarch and just because she isn't here in person doesn't me she isn't guiding me yet. I guess that means I had better stop this post and start to clean up or something.
Before I go, I'd like to thank everybody who listened to me talk about mom and who offered their condolences. My office gave me this living plant today. Thought I'd better post a picture of it before I kill it off. I don't have a green thumb.
2 comments:
So sorry for your loss. Blessings,
Lisa
Thank you. I'll remember Mother every time I pick up a crochet hook or needle and thread. Then I'll miss her being by my side when I mess up a single or double crochet since she was the one who always could get me back on track. Of course if I don't find where I put all her crochet hooks (never put them in a black bag) I won't be doing any crocheting.
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